Why it wasn’t okay.

As a parent it’s your job to show up no matter what. it means to be there to pick you up when you fall no matter how many times you fall. when you have kids it’s your job to love and protect them under any circumstance because they are your life and your greatest love. i never would expect perfection from anyone on this earth but what i do expect is some effort. i think family is supposed to feel like home and safe place for you but, for me it always felt like jail or a big prison cell. coming home after long days of school and work just to get bitched at for hours about everything i didn’t do and could’ve done better. i say it feels like a jail because i felt emotionally exhausted after only seeing my mother for 5 minutes. i felt like i never had privacy and like i was always being watched. i was being watched at some points in my day because my birth giver decided she didn’t trust me so she put cameras all around the house to keep an eye on me. i will always love my family unconditionally no matter what happens and it really sucks to say that they have given up on me. after countless and countless horrific arguments and fights she decided this was the one. we were bickering back and forth for like 10 minutes before she yelled “get out”. no one should ever be kicked out of there home because of a little argument. if you argue you walk away and try again later, not never. i don’t know what went off in her head that made her decide she had enough but out of all the things we have been through i’m still so confused why this argument was the one that did it. it’s not okay to lose everything you love and care about in a blink of an eye. as a parent your supposed to never give up and never stop trying no matter how hard it gets. you might not think there’s hope for them but for fudge sakes they are your kid you should never stop believing in them and wishing for the best. giving up and not showing up says a lot about a person. i always thought i had a mother but apparently i had Medusa in disguise…

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